Am I worthy?

Am I worthy?
You are not to answer this question.
I know I am worthy.

十句话

1. 我们既许身教育，便得为教育而教育，把它当作职业的同时，也把它当作是终身的事业，鞠躬尽瘁，春风化雨的恩泽，将永留人间。——沈慕羽

2. 一年之计，莫如树谷；十年之计，莫如树木；终身之计，莫如树人。——管仲

3. 无贵无贱，无长无少，道之所存，师之所存也。——韩愈

4. 身教重于言传。——王夫之

5. 动人以言者，其感不深；动人以行者，其应必速。——李贽

20天里的第六篇，献给每一个乐于献身杏坛的你。

How do I define myself?

How do I define myself? How do I characterize myself?

How we see ourselves is more important than how other people see us. However, my self-knowledge is rather judgmental. Sometimes, I would also compare myself to the others. And this results in discontent and low inferiority complex. I know it is not fair to myself but I just can't help to judge myself in such a negative way. 

To get a clear and fair definition of myself, I have to observe my own patterns of thoughts. Another way is to define myself by the values that I hold at core. I couldn't be wrong if I define myself by my core values, could I? I don't like defining myself by temporal identity like a student, a member of some organisations, etc. Instead, I want to define myself by my aspiration, the goals and aims that I want to achieve in my life. Therefore, I would define Lee Wai Keat as an educator. Yes, an educator. 

Education is my lifelong career. I always believe that education is the root of civilisation, the root of everything. Having seen the unreasonably low mentality of the society, which people often describe it as the "reality", I think that I ought to do something, something constructive, for our society. Even if I cannot change the mentality of the society, I believe through my effort there will be more people taking my place and role in educating our future generations.

After all, I still have to work harder to really know who I am. To me self-defining is also the process of soul searching. I think about what have I done in the past, I think about what my values are, I think about how I look at myself. We all have to be positive when defining ourselves but we also have to acknowledge the negative events that happened in our lives. They do not form our identities but truly they have offered precious experience and knowledge to us. 

20天里的第五篇，献给每一个正在寻找自己的你。

What makes waiKeat happy?

Our priorities and perspectives on life change as we grow older. What concerns us now may not be important anymore in future. 
This is why I am keeping a blog, to allow the future waiKeat to evaluate how matured he has become and to see whether he has achieved what he wanted to do.

I have to admit that I am the kiasu kind of person. Getting good results can definitely make me happy. Having a lot of close friends also contribute to my happiness. However, this doesn't mean that I define my happiness in terms of academic achievement and the number of friends I have. There are lots of things in which I would be rejoicing. But, nothing can compare to being able to live up to the values within myself. 

What are my values? Why am I having values as my top priority?
When we are to leave the world, it is with the values that we leave, not with our material wealth, our achievement, our fame. I want to leave the world with contentment, without regrets. Therefore I have to make sure that my conscience is clear all the time. And thus it is important to have a set of values within me.

Again, what are my values?
I have a lot of values that I am practising/ wish to practise in my life. Here I am going to briefly describe 4 of them: SHED.

S- Sincerity.
I want to do everything sincerely. To me, if anything is done without sincerity, it is meaningless. Yea it is true that I may not be sincere at certain times, but I am trying hard to be. We have to help people sincerely, as in not asking or hoping for anything in return. We have to learn sincerely, as in learning to acquire knowledge, not merely to pass the exams. We have to do everything sincerely by putting our heart into whatever we do.

H- Honesty.
I try to be as honest as I can. Sadly, sometimes my honesty is defined as naivety (with a negative connotation, I suppose so). But who cares? This is MY value. Err... I have to admit too sometimes I am just too honest that my honesty causes problems for me. Haiz. I think I have to learn to be honest at the right time. Maybe I am too eager to change (yea I told lots of lies in the past). Hmm.. What I want to express is, we all should be honest, at least to ourselves.

E- Empathy.
Empathy is the experiencing of others' feelings, thoughts or attitudes. It is my belief that empathy is important as we are not living alone in the world. At the same time, we do want people to understand us too. Hence, we have to learn to put ourselves in others' shoes. Everyday, we meet people from all walks of life who have different background, religions, values and cultures. It doesn't mean that we can't be friend if we are having different values. We must not be self-centered and should be able to think from the others' perspectives. Only then, we can comprehend their thinking and widen our outlooks of life.

D- Determination.
Frankly speaking, I am not a determined person. I am very good at planning. But when it comes to executing a plan, I am nothing. My problem is not having enough determination, or I should say, motivation to keep myself moving. Many great and brilliant plans of mine had failed because I am not determined. Again, like what I did in the past THREE SEMESTERS, I have planned my semester break activities. This time my focus will be on learning and reading: learning English grammar and reading Mandarin literature. Oh, how can I forget to mention jogging! Haha, I must join my sister in jogging. hehehe.

Well, these are my SHED. What are yours?

20天里的第四篇，献给每一个想要活出自我价值的你。

家

Words are powerful. 
Look at these two words: house and home.
They differ in their connotations.
A house is the physical building that people live in.
A home is more about the emotional relationships between people who live together.

A house is made of walls and beams but a home is built with love and dreams.

A home is where you feel warm, where your loved ones shower you with unconditional love, where loneliness is just a word.

You might be lost in the city at times. You might think that everything on the street is just so dull. But at home, you know it is where your heart stays, where you are accepted wholeheartedly, where you feel appreciated, where all your predicaments are being understood, where you belong to.

With money, you can have houses everywhere. But without love, you can't have a home.

Home is a place to feel safe. Home is a place to entrust your feelings to. Home is a place to be the real you.

Home is the place I miss so deeply now.

20天里的第三篇，献给每一个正在想家的你。

绿

早晨
那一片绿里
一朵朵红色的、娇艳的玫瑰
把自己最美艳动人的一面
献给了初升的太阳

夜晚
那一片绿里
高贵的玫瑰仍然展现着静态而自信的柔美
仿佛正嘲笑着
低头不语的那一片绿

风雨中
那一片绿里
多刺的枝桠向狂风折腰
艳丽的花瓣任雨滴蹂躏
而那一片绿
早已瘫在土地上  奄奄一息

太阳冉冉升起
那一片绿里
只见小草昂首挺胸
傲视散落一地的败花残枝

20天里的第二篇，献给每一个不起眼却不平凡的你。

幸福的定义

最近常常有人问：“幸福的定义是什么？” （其实都是同一个人啦）

幸福是什么？这是个很主观的问题。幸福是一种微妙的感觉，而每一个人对于这种感觉的诠释都不一样。但是，要得到幸福，感觉幸福，首先你得清楚地知道自己对幸福的定义是什么，不是吗？

对于我，幸福不是出生在富贵人家，过上富足的日子；幸福是拥有一个家，一个温暖和谐的家。

对于我，幸福不是成为万众瞩目的焦点；幸福是在所有人都冷落我的时候，还有人陪在我身边。

对于我，幸福不是拥有一大班朋友；幸福是有几个真正懂我，关怀我，对我不离不弃的人。

对于我，幸福不是身穿名牌衣物，使用高级科技产品；幸福是普通端正的衣着下有着一副有血有泪有灵魂有良心的躯体。

对于我，幸福不是自己喜欢的人也喜欢自己；幸福是偶尔可以与之相伴，付之以真心，待之以诚恳，到最后寄之以追忆。

对于我，幸福不是拥有帅气得迷死人不偿命的外表还有零脂肪有弹性的胴体；幸福是身体健康，机能良好，无病无痛。

对于我，幸福不是像家乡那棵老树一样长命；幸福是不管生命长短都能不枉过此生。

这就是我的幸福。觉得我的幸福很简单？有的人对幸福的要求更低，却永远无法得到自己渴望的幸福。

对于一些人，幸福是拥有一对眼睛，一对可以看得见人世间真善美的眼睛。上天赋予我们双眸，赐予我们视力，我们是应当感恩的。比起那些失明人士，我们的确幸福多了。然而，幸福的我们往往都不懂得珍惜。许多人拥有明亮，有神，水汪汪的眼睛，却只懂得看见别人的缺点，对他人的优点视而不见。试想想,有的人一辈子都在黑暗中度过，一辈子也没见过自己长什么样子，一辈子都无法看见蓝天白云，为何幸福的我们不能善用自己的眼睛去好好地观察身边的人事物呢？

对于一些人，幸福是拥有一双耳朵，一双能听见鸟语虫鸣的耳朵。有些人爱用耳朵来听小道消息。一些政治人物，享有高高在上的地位，却对人民的诉求充耳不闻。有些人的耳朵只容得下阿谀奉承的话，听不进苦口婆心的劝告，须知良药苦口利于病，忠言逆耳利于行啊！而又有些人，他们无法听见震耳欲聋的鞭炮声，无法听见美妙的音乐，无法听见自己的孩子喊的一声“爸爸/妈妈”。

对于一些人，幸福是拥有一张嘴巴，一张能开口说话的嘴巴。从他们呱呱坠地，任凭医生如何拍打都无法哭出声音的那刻起，他们就注定和他人不一样。他们一辈子就只能靠着许多人都不明白的手语表达自己的想法，在沟通上必定遇到许多难题。反观那些有说话能力的人，他们把这份恩赐当成理所当然，他们非但不懂得珍惜，还放肆地滥用这项能力。无情的咒骂，虚情假意的谎言，尖如利刃的讽刺，全出自能开口说话的人，全出自幸福的人！这，这难道就是我们感恩的方式吗？

对于一些人，幸福是闻得到花香，幸福是能到处走动，幸福是有一双可以穿鞋的脚。这一些人的身体有着缺陷，每天的生活对他们来说都是一项艰巨的挑战。有者自怨自艾，在埋怨和沮丧中度过一辈子。有者自强不息，不以残缺为耻，力争上游，最终取得非凡成就！残缺是上天注定的，而“自怨自艾”或是“力争上游”却是一种选择。

幸福是什么？你还不知道吗？幸福是拥有健全的身体。幸福是看得到明天的太阳。幸福是心脏跳动的每一刻。

幸福其实很简单

幸福其实就在我们的身边

幸福需要一双手去抓紧它，而那双手叫做“珍惜”。

20天的第一篇，献给每一个幸福的你。

助人为快乐之本？

看到了吗？Be helpful and approachable.  

“做个乐于助人和平易近人的孩子”是20件事的第十四条。

人人常说：“助人为快乐之本。”今天我就给这句话加了个问号。怎么了？帮助别人不快乐吗？这你就不懂啦。且听我娓娓道来。

1. 有时候太过热心，想帮助人却才发现自己无能为力。哦，我不快乐了。
2. 有时候“太好人了”，使尽浑身解数想要帮助人、关心人，殊不知自己这么好的个性在别人眼中其实是种困扰。哦，我不快乐了。 （当然我不可能是这种过度热心的人啦）
3. 有时候在帮助别人的过程心里竟然有怨言！我的天！根本质疑自己是不是真心在帮助人！当被帮助的人连声道谢时，妈呀，那种无地自容的感受该叫我怎么去承受啊！哦，我不快乐了。
4. 有时候我们经常帮助人，在自己需要帮助的时候却没有人伸出援手。这时脑海里的小声音竟XX地说：这些人平时我这么帮你们你们怎么可以在这个时候抛下我。我的天啊！这才发现自己帮助人后是希望有回报的！太可耻了李伟杰！你怎么可以有这样的想法？！你还是人吗？！哦，我不快乐了。

看到没有看到没有？？
就是这样，助人不一定快乐呀。

我说啊，量力而为地，真心地，不求回报地助人才是快乐之本啊！欸，课程发展中心可以考虑把这句至理名言加入名句精华的列表里哦。记得我的名字叫李伟杰。哈哈哈

我要做个真心助人的好孩子。

窗外

宿舍的窗外是一片树林。

打开窗，映入眼帘的是一片青葱翠绿，在树梢上不难看到不知名的鸟儿，或在栖息，或在枝头上跳跃追逐，仿佛在玩着人类不知道的游戏。树上的叶子一点也不呆板，它们随着和风的轻拂温柔地婆娑，仿佛正随着清新的音乐摆动身体。阳光穿透不太茂密的树叶，却一点儿也不刺眼。往下看是一条人行道。散落道上的枯叶竟和两旁的青草形成强烈的对比。仔细一瞧，几个娇小可爱的小生灵正在长得不高的草丛里窜动，也许是在觅食，也许是厌倦了飞行，想体验一回“脚踏实地”的生活。

眼前的这一幕应当是令我心旷神怡的，不是吗？然而窗户的铁枝和玻璃窗片却让我无法好好享受这很少人会注意到的美景。我是多想离开这房间，亲身去欣赏这可以抚慰人心的平静啊。但是我不能。我害怕一个人走在落叶堆积的人行道上，太萧瑟了！我害怕我爱的鸟儿不让我接近，看见我就飞走，离我而去。我害怕那迎面的微风不会温柔地拂过我的脸，而是像刺骨的冷风直逼我的心灵！

我害怕眼前的景物会随着我的介入而改变，我宁愿隔着窗户，默默地远远地去看我无法接近的鸟儿，通过叶子的律动去感受自己渴望很久，却不真实的拂动。对我来说，一切都是只可远观，不可亵玩的。这只因我过于重视，过于珍惜，过于害怕失去这一切。 一扇窗一道门两面墙困着一个我，一道自己筑起的铁窗困着我的心，锁着我的灵魂！有多少次我尝试走出这铁窗，有多少次我盼望一个个你，一个个他她它为我解开心里的枷锁，又有多少次，我使尽全力奋力逃离，却又亲手为心里的铁窗多加一个锁？

想到这里，我抬起了头。只见窗外树叶依旧翠绿，阳光依然和煦，小鸟仍旧活跃。 

面具

Today I am gonna share with you a meaningful passage that I came across when I was teaching Mandarin comprehension to my students. The version that I read is a translated one. I have found the original version in English. Trust me, it is worth reading. Do spend some time to think after reading ya.

THE MASK I WEAR

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
   masks that I'm afraid to take off
     and none of them are me.     
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
          but don't be fooled,
   for God's sake, don't be  fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
   within as well as without,
    that confidence is my name
     and coolness my game,
    that the water's calm
   and I'm in command,
  and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
   But I hide this.
    I don't want anybody to know it.
     I panic at the thought of my
            weaknesses
      and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
          to hide behind. 
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
          to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that
            knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
   my only salvation,
       and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
   and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
   from my own self-built prison walls

I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
   the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
   of what I can't assure myself,
     that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
   I don't dare.
      I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
   and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
        that I'm just no good
             and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,

The glittering but empty parade of masks,
   and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
   and nothing of what's everything,
                 of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
   do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
   what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
   but what I can not say.

It will not be easy for you,
   long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
   the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
   you wonder who I am
    you shouldn't
     for I am everyman
     and everywoman
      who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.

中文版

  “不要被我欺骗，不要误以为我戴的面具就是我。我戴着几千个面具，而且害怕摘掉它们。我最擅长的事情就是假装自己在做什么，仿佛万事如意，仿佛满怀信心。我最喜欢的游戏就是让自己看起来像个沉着冷静且信心满满的时髦人士。不过，请不要被我欺骗。背后才是真正的我——彷徨、惊诧，而且孤独。我很清楚自己什么也不是。不过这些都被我藏了起来。这是没有人知道的秘密。我害怕暴露自己的缺点。这个不能明说。我怎能告诉你呢。”

“我很恐惧。我害怕你不会接纳我，害怕你不爱我。我害怕你会忽视我、嘲笑我。我害怕被人发现，并且因此遭人拒绝。尽管我戴着信心百倍的面具，玩着视死如归的游戏，然而在心里我还是个战战兢兢的小孩子。”

  “对于不重要的事情，我什么都说；对于真正重要的事情，我什么都不说。这个时候，千万不要被我的话语欺骗。听完我的话后，请听一听我不说的事、我想说的事、我应该说而不能说的事。“

    “我不愿藏在面具之后。我讨厌自己正在玩的游戏。我想成为纯粹的、自由的、真正的我。不过，你必须帮助我。哪怕我表面看来很不情愿，你也要向我伸出手来。因为只有你能为我摘下和扔掉面具。当你亲切而温柔地鼓励我的时候，当你愿意聆听并鼓励我的时候，我就能够摘下和扔掉面具了。也只有你，才能复活我内心深处的真我。

  “我想让你知道，你对我来说有多么宝贵。能够帮我摧毁隐秘的颤抖之墙，能够为我摘掉面具的人也只有你。你能把我从不安、自卑而且犹疑的世界里解放出来。请不要离我而去！”

 “这对你来说也不容易。长久堆积的恐惧和自以为人生毫无价值的怀疑，形成了厚厚的墙，若想摧毁谈何容易。也许你愈是向我走近，我愈是抵抗斗争。可是，爱和接纳、宽容却比世界上所有的墙都强大。请你用温柔的手为我摧毁这些墙。因为我心灵深处的小孩很柔弱，很容易受到伤害。请你摘掉我的面具，接纳我，爱我吧！”

 “我渴望被接纳和被爱。”

 “我是你非常了解的人。我是你遇见的所有人。”

   “我就是你啊。”

这是一片深深触动我心灵的文章。

希望我可以遇到一个愿意摘下我的面具，或者可以让我为他摘下面具的人。

那个人是你吗？

I Love Hokkien Songs

Gua suka tia Hokkien gua!!!!

Lolz. I wanted to write this post in Hokkien but it is soooooo difficult to do so. These few days I am kind of emotional, probably due to sickness and unresolved internal conflicts. To make myself feel better, I listened to some Chinese songs that I like but sorry to say that these songs made me feel even worse. So I decided to go to the Youtube and search for some "childhood memories".

I listened to some of my favourite Hokkien songs. Surprisingly, even though the songs were very sad, I felt so relaxed while I was listening to them.

However, I became sad again very soon after I found that the singer of my favourite Hokkien songs actually passed away when I was 6!!!! It is such a pity that she passed away at the age of 37. Her voice is soooooo beautiful and all her songs were nicely presented.

These are the links to some of Lin Yanru's songs. 《有情的人爱着无缘的人》is my all time favourite.
《有情的人爱着无缘的人》

《疼惜我的吻》

《爱袂落心》

《伤心酒店》by曾心梅and《男儿的心声》by沈文程are also in my favourite songs list.
《伤心酒店》

《男儿的心声》

Many people wonder why I like these old old songs so much. I am also wondering. I think it is because of the feeling that they bring to me. Old songs are worth listening to too! 

Well, it's time I left my Hokkien songs and went back to my coursework. Bye!

The Lessons (Cont'd)

11. People (including me) tend to forget the 99 good deeds that one has done when he/ she does something wrong.

12. You did something wrong, you realised your mistakes, you apologised, you are forgiven but you don't feel that you are forgiven. This is reality.

13. The more you care about/ treasure something (friendship, studies, relationship, etc.), the more likely you will spoil it. Am talking about moderation here.

14. The Law of Attraction that I have been practising is not applicable in university. Perhaps my magnet has lost its magnetism.

15. Don't think too highly of yourself and don't belittle the others.

16. When you dislike someone, he/ she looks extremely ugly to you.

17. Why make yourself busy when you can relax? And why grumble when you choose to be busy?

18. Why are you taking certain module if not to improve yourself in that particular area? (Manuel Gakim, 2015)

19. Plan will always be a plan if you are not determined.

20. False hope usually appears when you are about to give up. And it leads to the next "to give up or to persist" dilemma.

21. You cannot trust everyone. Thus it is important to find someone whom you can trust, and in return, be someone whom he/ she can trust too.

22. Make yourself look smart and speak good language. How you look and how you speak are the first two criteria that people consider.

23. Sometimes you just have to be a little impulsive and instinctive to make a good decision.

24. True love is unconditional.

25. Always talk to people who is knowledgeable and far-visioned.

26. Being neutral is not always the safest but it is always safer.

27. Sometimes when you know something is impossible, you will just wait, and hurt yourself in the process, until the day when you must give up no matter what comes. It sounds silly but it is practically what I am doing.

28. Our kindness and helpful nature might be a burden to other people.

29. Always be contented. Don't be too envious of other people. Enviousness leads to jealousy. And jealousy is the biggest sin.

30.

The Lessons

Today I am gonna share something that I have learnt/ am learning/ have to learn in my life as an undergraduate.

1. Some lecturers just don't deserve my attention. I shall stop forcing myself to listen to some input lacking lectures.

2. Sometimes your coursework grade is dependent on your relationship with the lecturers. But I am not affected by such matter.

3. You can learn nothing when you don't put your heart into learning, or when you are just trying to finish reading the chapter/ article. Learning needs strategies, plans and effort.

4. Reading for pleasure provides more info than reading with pressure does.

5. History is not boring! Reading historians' articles/ writing is enjoyable. You learn to think critically through reading.

No. 1 - 5 are actually not what I wanna tell you about. Please continue reading those that follow.

6. In university peer relationship is 100 times complicated than that in high school.

7. Some people just like to project themselves as saints. If you are the only one who sees their true colours, just keep your mouth shut because nobody is gonna believe you. You might end up being seen as a bad people who "likes bad-mouthing people at their backs", "is jealous of other people's popularity", "is suspicious of others without any proofs".

8. The person that you have once disliked soooooooo much might become your best friend in the end, and vice versa. I am grateful that I realise I had judged one of my coursemates unfairly. Thanks God he doesn't take it to heart.

9. The university should introduce a "mouth controlling" module. I have to learn to control my brain, my articulators and my mouth. Having been saying something without thinking, for soooooo many times, I have hurt many people around me. Sorry sorry sorry. Do forgive me!

10. Dealing with people from different places is much more difficult than dealing with people from the same place as you are.

to be continued...